We are not ordinary…

It’s true what they say…sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.  

It seems like a lot of my girlfriends are all going through the same things lately.  Heartache and heartbreaks…

I have not been the exception to this….

What I have noticed is that we, as women, continue to let men get away with treating us like we are ordinary.  We let them text us and that’s good enough for us to give them the time of day.  We let them stand us up and we act like nothing happened.  We let them treat us like an option and cling to the crumbs that they are giving us.  

This has got to stop.

I see myself in every woman who goes through this painful situation.  We get caught up in that first 90 days, what Dr. Pat Allen calls the “Perfect Phase”.  Its the time where, biologically, we are going through what nature designed us to do.  Men do the pony show to get us to like them and we fall for them with every word, touch, kiss…then when the hormones have abated we have the reality of a “real” relationship.  Its when men get scared and women get insecure.  

This is the time when men try to manage down our expectations and we hold on and try to get them to go back to the man they seemed to be before.  We think he has changed but really he hasn’t.  This period after the “perfect phase” is where we finally see the unfolding that has been happening the whole time.  Its the time the representative leaves and we are left with a real person.   

When a man distances himself and stops calling and sending those sweet texts, we notice it subconsciously and we also react subconsciously by moving towards him.  Essentially, we start to pursue him.  I’m not about to give anybody advice here, however what I want to to do is bring awareness to how you are feeling in this situation.

I know how it feels…it feels awful.  It feels like abandonment.  It feels like betrayal.  It brings up all the feelings of things that have happened to us in the past.  It feels like pain.  

Pay attention to this pain.  Know that it is a message.  Your heart is telling you something is not right.  Instead of trying to pull a man closer, maybe, just maybe, you could be gentle with your own heart.  Take some space of your own and give yourself the love you need and want.  Believe that you deserve everything that you want.   And don’t settle for the crumbs.

Women, when we start to require instead of demand a certain way of being treated then we will have less and less heart ache and pain. When it is a requirement it must be met before the next step but when you demand, it is because you are already being denied what you are asking for…

We are not ordinary.  We are extraordinary beings with the power to feel and think.  We can carry life in our bodies.  We can handle pain that no man could ever imagine and still come out on top.  We feel our pain and yet we can still find joy.  

…love life and life will love you back.

Thank you.

 

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